“ Being a mom of a ten year old has really been emotional for me... I survived a decade with my baby.“ -Cheeradee 1. It is not your job to keep the people you love happy. Not me, not Daddy, not your brothers and sister, not your grandparents, not your auntie, not Karise, not your friends. I promise, it’s not. The hard truth is that you can’t, anyway....please don’t waste your time fulfilling something another has to find on their own... it will deplete you -we will talk more later 2. Don’t lose your physical fearlessness. Please continue using your body in the world: run, jump, climb, throw, flip, dance! I love watching your energy and graceful, energetic moves and flips on the mat in cheer, or sprinting down the soccer field, or swinging proudly along a row of monkey bars, or climbing into the high branches of a tree. There is both health and a sense of mastery in physical activity and challenges. And you do both very well, I love how active you are! 3. Don’t be afraid to share your passions. You are sometimes embarrassed that you still like to play with dolls, for example, and you worry that your friends will make fun of you. Anyone who teases you for what you love to do is not a true friend. This is hard to realize, but essential. Always be TRUE TO YOU ❤️ 4. It is okay to disagree with me, and others. You are old enough to have a point of view, and I want to hear it. So do those who love you. Don’t pick fights for the sake of it, of course but when you really feel I’m wrong, please say so. You have heard me say that you are right, and you’ve heard me apologize for my behavior or point of view when I realize they were wrong. Your perspective is both valid and valuable. Don’t shy away from expressing it. 5. You are so very beautiful. I can’t tell you enough how beautiful you are inside and out. Your face now holds the baby you were and the young woman you are rapidly becoming. My eyes and curly tresses and your father’s like everything else😅- combine into someone unique, someone purely you. I can see the clouds of society’s beauty myth hovering, manifest in your own growing self-consciousness. I beg of you not to lose sight with your own beauty, so much of which comes from the fact that your spirit runs so close to the surface. 6. Keep reading. Reading is the central leisure-time joy of my life, as you know. I am immensely proud and pleased to see that you seem to share it. That identification you feel with characters, that sense of slipping into another world, of getting lost there in the best possible way? Those never go away...you remind me so much of myself it is unbelievable how I created a mini version of me! Which leads me to this..... 7. You are not me. We are very alike, but you are your own person, entirely, completely, fully. I know this, I promise, even when I lose sight of it. I know that separation from me is one of the fundamental tasks of your adolescence, which I can see glinting over the horizon. I dread it like ice in my stomach, that space, that distance, that essential cleaving, but I want you to know I know how vital it is. I’m going to be here, no matter what, Chloe. 8. It is almost never about you. What I mean is when people act in a way that hurts or makes you feel insecure, it is almost certainly about something happening inside of them, and not about you. I struggle with this one mightily, and I have tried very, very hard never once to tell you you are being “too sensitive” or to “get over it” when you feel hurt. Believe me, I know how feelings can slice your heart, even if your head knows otherwise. But maybe, just maybe, it will help to remember that almost always other people are struggling with their own demons, even if they bump into you by accident. 9. There is no single person who can be your everything. Be very careful about bestowing this power on any one person. I suspect you are trying to fill a gnawing loneliness, and if you are you inherited it from me. That feeling, Woolf’s “emptiness about the heart of life,” is just part of the deal. Trying to fill that ache with other people (or with anything else, like food, alcohol, numbing behaviors of a zillion sorts you don’t even know of yet) is a lost cause, and nobody will be up to the task. You will feel let down, and, worse, that loneliness will be there no matter what. I’m learning to embrace it, to accept it as part of who I am. I hope to help you do the same. 10. I am trying my best. I know I’m not good enough and not the mother you deserve. I am impatient and fallible and I raise my voice. I am sorry. I love you and your siblings more than I love anyone else in the entire world and I always wish I could be better for you. I’ll admit I don’t always love your behavior, and I’m quick to tell you that. But every single day, I love you with every fiber of my being. No matter what! Love you always, Mommy Make sure you comment below and let us know one or two things that you want to tell your growing child ♥️
7 Comments
Ashlee
1/13/2020 12:22:31 pm
This was so touching. My little girl is only 5 and it’s too much for me to handle. I can’t imagine 10 😩
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Tavi
1/13/2020 12:25:03 pm
I love number three for the simple fact that I was the same way. Played with my barbies and did soap operas all the way to middle school possibly but only my family knew. I was too shy and worried about what my friends would think because they were into boys and stuff like that already. Lovely written!
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Jasmin
1/13/2020 01:30:46 pm
Great read! A lot of great and wonderful advice for young girls, not just your 10 year old! I wish I knew some of these things when I was younger! Very touching and insightful!!
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Tracey
1/13/2020 02:19:25 pm
LOVE THIS!
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Kaylisa
1/13/2020 06:03:26 pm
This is so beautiful and bold of you to be able to point out your flaws to your daughter. Kids need relationships as such; transparent. You are building wonderful relationships with your babies and they are going to appreciate it in the long run. You are a great mother and you’ve always done everything to keep your kids smiling! You are a huge inspiration super mommy!
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Daphne
1/13/2020 06:36:12 pm
Wow just beautiful! Took a lot of the words out of my mouth to Nailah if this wasn’t for her as well lol. This is such an awesome thing to do as a mom we have so much to do with kids and life overall. So for you to take the time to do this for her I know she will appreciate even more as she grows in to the beautiful strong lady she will become. Good job Mom. Take a bow, you deserve it.
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Karmala
1/13/2020 10:59:38 pm
Love this!! So beautiful, transparent, venerable. I wish my mom had said some of these things to me at age 10. Thank you for writing this. Looking forward to reading more from you. Awesome job Mom!
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