Each Friday we will be shining our mommy light on an opportunity for our audience to hear from guest mommy bloggers from all over, dealing with different topics regarding motherhood. Check out the blog as we we share these stories to be able to reach out to our mothers and possibly help as many as we can. Thank you, & please meet 27 year old, Alyssa Daniel as she shares her story on post partum.... My name is Alyssa daniel & I am 27 years old. I have a 20 month old son and I’d love to share my story on my experience dealing with postpartum. I remember when i first had my son, I felt an mixture of emotions.. nothing saddening or depressing but more so just wanting to make sure I was the best mother I could be for him. I was scared of making mistakes. I read so many books on how to be “the ideal mom” I lost sight of what it was to be the realistic mom that I was already destined to be. I’d say my postpartum started kicking in when I could no longer breastfeed my son after 4 months due to losing my milk supply. I wasn’t eating enough calories which in return didn’t produce enough milk. I did not want to turn to formula .. but I had no other choice. At this point I felt like a failure. I never really talked about it or mentioned it because I didn’t want to pass negative energy towards my son. As time went on, I returned back to cosmetology school to finish my 1500 hours and my days started to get longer and a bit more depressing. I hated being away from my son and I just felt like I was losing the “connection”. I started waking up feeling like a dark cloud was over my head, I avoided looking in the mirror because the dark circles and bags under my eyes sunk so deep into my face I didn’t recognize who I was. I was always a negative Nancy, I had good days and bad days but on this particular day.. that’s when I realized I needed help. I was on my way to school one morning coming out of the garage and as I got ready to turn left to head down the next level something in my head told me to keep going straight so I could run off the edge of the garage and end my life. I immediately braked and started crying. I had no idea what came over me. As I tried to gather my thoughts and continue to head to school I kept getting the thought of “it’s okay if you leave this earth, no one will miss you and who needs you anyway, you’re no longer perfect, you no longer have the ideal body, you look tired, you can’t even feel attractive for your husband anymore. Go ahead end it”. I got to school with the idea that I was a failure and I just wasn’t good enough anymore. I ended up leaving school and came home early, I stopped by target and got a $5 bottle of wine. I came in the house and my son and his dad were sitting on the couch.. I went straight to the room, closed the blinds and started drinking. I cried and cried and cried, I was an emotional wreck and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was no longer happy, I felt horrible about my body, I didn’t want to touch or even look at my son because I felt he changed me. I wanted to end my life because I thought it was an easy way out and I could get away from this dark cloud that was hanging over me. I never wanted to talk about the feelings I felt and experience because I didn’t think anyone would understand. I spent so much time lying to myself and telling myself that I’m okay when really I wasn’t. After that night I decided to go seek a therapist because I knew I wanted better.. my son deserves his mom in his life and regardless of the way my body has changed, I’m still beautiful. I now embrace the stretch marks which represent strength and life. My body stretched to carry my son a full term. We as mothers are strong, courageous and built for this shit! If you are struggling with postpartum depression please don’t keep it in for a year and a half like I did. Go seek help and talk about it. You deserve to be the best you for you and your family. Thank you Alyssa for sharing your story. You are amazing mommy! If you or anybody else you know is interested in sharing a post about topics regarding motherhood please feel free to shoot us an email at [email protected]
1 Comment
Colin Small
5/25/2019 09:41:03 am
This post is eye opening in so many ways. I’m happy I chose to read it. As a man, I know how easy it is to overlook certain issues and this is certainly not one that should be overlooked. Thank you for sharing!
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